Perfect Songs (in order)

Luxuriate in over a 1000 "perfect" tracks.

What makes a song perfect?

Let’s face it, the notion of a perfect song is arbitrary and bullshit. However, these songs are “perfect” to me.

But… but… but… Are they really? Sometimes, I worry that some of these are merely Exceptional Songs and perhaps, perhaps, they have a boring middle 8 or something. I try to keep calm about this, though: much as not all infinities are the same size but are still infinite, not all perfect songs are the same amount of perfect but are perfect nevertheless.

So, I guess this is a list of songs that reliably provoke an emotional reaction in me. The usual emotions I like are, in order: haunted, saddened, pumped up and overjoyed. If it provokes any other feeling in me, I don’t care. Those emotions are garbage emotions.

I started making this list, oooh, 7 years ago? It was originally just in any old order until, when I was ill with my first experience of the joys of Long Covid last year, I was worried I would lose these songs if I ever left Spotify (or Spotify crumbled as it probably should). So, I catalogued them and - why not - put them in order of year released.

Some Stats

The earliest song is a player-piano reel of Scott Joplin made in 1916 (but recorded recently). The latest is from 2023, natch.

The genres covered, I would hope, are eclectic. I like to show off how Catholic my tastes are, as I am an insecure intellectual. Some genres aren’t really represented (e.g. little R and B, Post Rock or late 90’s Euphoric Trance ) as I’m just not a fan.

The list skews male, which I apologise for. The reason being, that in my early life, I just listened to blokes because I sucked. The songs from more recent years skew female. Maybe by 2050 it’ll be 50/50 male/female/whatever?

Most Perfect decade: As you can see, music was best in the 90s, with the 80s and 00s almost equal below it. I did most of my fanatical music listening in the 90s and early 2000s. So, it makes sense my list would skew this way. In 2013 I turned 30 and stopped listening to new music, as is right and proper, so the list has a steep drop off.

The fall from the 50’s to 60’s? I don’t like rock ‘n’ roll that much, which is why we have the drop off.

Most Perfect Year: Clearly, 1994 was the year music peaked. Why, you might ask? Nostalgia.

Also, as a 10 year old, I liked pop music which gives us half the stuff from 1994. Then as a late teen, I liked the indie from 1994. Then add in golden(ish) era Hip Hop, et voila, Best Year.

Most Perfect song: Where Is My Mins appears in 3 versions - original, piano cover and AI fake of Frank Sinatra singing it.

Most Perfect singer of songs: The Mountian Goats had a hell of a 10 years.

Most surprising addition to this list: I dunno, Roxette?

Most surprising absence to this list: I dunno.

I’m a song and I’d like to be on your playlist. How can I make this happen?

Whilst we cannot guarantee you a place on this competitive playlist the following things will make it more likely you make the cut:

If you’ve been on a tv show or film I like - you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

If you’re associated with a particular time in my life: you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

If you sound like you were recorded in a bin, you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

If it you’re obscure; you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

If you’re a novelty song/ you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

If you’re short> you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

If you’re by Robert Pollard} you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

If you’re on the Coroner’s Gambit/Motivation and The Water Tower Grammar/Blow Boys, Blow | you better believe you’ve got a higher chance of being perfect.

What am I missing?

I’m always on the lookout for more perfect songs, so if you want to send me your suggestions, I’d be happy!

Merry Christmas,

yr pal

John