The Ontological Argument

A Kurzweil Adeventure

Originally spoken over “A Madrigal” this is an improved version of a story. Thanks to AJ for advice.

After the Singularity, we thought we were really in for it. We all knew what God did when the tower of Babel got too tall and this had the potential to be much, much worse. We all agreed that it would be best to hope that God hadn’t noticed and that the whole thing would just blow over.

So, when we realised that our ability to sleep had gone, the impulse to panic was great. But there was a lot of discussion and another swift unanimous decision. This was for the best, as we all had to be singing from the same hymn sheet, so to speak, to make sure no omniscient eyes noticed that anything was up.

We had decided that we were to keep up the appearance of sleep. Each night we would go to bed and lie, 8 hours of lying, lying as still as possible, waiting until the sky turned from black to blue in our window, after which we were allowed to “awake.” Personally, I think we over did it, as surely God would be suspicious that there were no insomniacs or night owls anymore? But we had discussed the way and we did what we had to do. How we envied those creatures we caught sleeping, the lambs on the hillside, the lions in the zoo, the snakes in the trees …

For how long we went around no longer needing to clean ourselves, I am not sure. We were far too distracted by our asomnolence to notice something that subtle. How was one to know that we no longer retained dirt and our bodies produced no odour? Our routines were such that we were perfectly maintained machines - we had almost always solved any hygienic problems before they had occurred. The next decision was easy, especially as we had already decided on the Singularity and the sleep issue, and so there was practically no discussion on this topic.  

Of course, we would still shower and brush our teeth as we had before and we weren’t to skimp on doing it! If we spent 15 minutes a day before doing this, why, we were going to spent fifteen minutes a day doing it now. And if our teeth were soft and poor before the change, now that they were strong and our breath was always fresh, that was no reason not to go to the dentist to have them drilled or filled or removed. Better safe than sorry.

Eventually, as could be predicted, the need for sustenance and excretion left us simultaneously via their reciprocal relationship. Now, there was simply no need to discuss what to do. We still went to the toilet and we still ate and drank but, naturally, it never came out and it did not need to go in. Apart from our fear of the Lord, we spared thoughts for the restaurants and supermarkets and purveyors of porcelain. What would they do with themselves? Would we crash our economy just because we no longer needed these things? We were not demons.

These were our little crosses to bare and we bore them as well as we could. For without them, would we even be human? What would we fill our days with? After all, it was not just His wrath we feared. As time went on, our fear subsided, and we began to consider how God would feel if we showed him that we had no need of the world He had created just for us. Our guilt was immense. We could only imagine how He would release great floods of tears when he realised his children had abandoned him.

Thus, we went on as we ever had done before. Oh, but if only I could remove that one most onerous of chores. Not to have to be ever vigilant and alert. Not to have to keep an eye on my forgetful neighbour and remind them to put in the effort. Not to have to pull my diaphragm down every few seconds and then push it back up, forcing now-useless air in and out of our lungs. That would be heaven.

And so now I wait for deliverance from the one task I cannot endure. As I approach my allotted three-score-and-ten, I think of the time I will finally get into my box for eternity and pretend I am no longer alive.

PERFECT SONG

Alfred G. Karnes - I Am Bound for the Promised Land

A great example of the singer not the song. Or in this case the performance not song. A simple song that anyone could sing but you’ve got to have the pipes 9and thumbs) to sell it.

Aren’t we all bound for the promised land?